5 Things to Say to Avoid Saying to Someone with Anxiety
Written by Ryan Greenwood
Because “just calm down” has never calmed anyone down.
Supporting someone with anxiety can be tricky. Even with the best intentions, the wrong words can unintentionally invalidate their feelings or make them feel misunderstood. To help you navigate these moments, here are five phrases to avoid—and what you can say instead:
1. “Just calm down.”
While this might seem practical, anxiety doesn’t have an on/off switch. Telling someone to calm down often feels dismissive and oversimplifies the very real experience they’re going through.
What to say instead:
“I’m here for you. How can I help right now?”
This approach shows you’re present and supportive without minimizing their feelings.
2. “It’s all in your head.”
Sure, anxiety may stem from thoughts, but that doesn’t make the experience any less real. This phrase can make someone feel invalidated and even ashamed for what they’re experiencing.
What to say instead:
“I know this feels overwhelming. Let’s work through it together.”
Acknowledging their emotions reassures them that their experience is valid, and they don’t have to face it alone.
3. “Other people have it worse.”
Trying to put things into perspective might seem helpful, but this comparison often invalidates their struggle. It can also leave them feeling guilty for what they’re experiencing.
What to say instead:
“Your feelings are valid, and I’m here to listen.”
Empathy, not comparison, is key. Let them know their pain matters without minimizing it.
4. “Why are you so anxious about this?”
Even if you’re genuinely curious, this question can feel critical or accusatory. Anxiety doesn’t always have a clear or rational explanation, and asking for one can add pressure.
What to say instead:
“I can see this is hard for you. Would you like to talk about it?”
This opens the door for conversation without making them feel interrogated or judged.
5. “You’re overreacting.”
Anxiety already feels overwhelming, and hearing this can make someone defensive or ashamed. It diminishes their experience and may discourage them from opening up.
What to say instead:
“I know this feels like a lot right now. Let’s take it one step at a time.”
This offers reassurance while focusing on manageable actions to reduce their overwhelm.
Anxiety can be a challenging experience for both the person navigating it and the people supporting them. By choosing your words with empathy and care, you can provide the encouragement and understanding they need.
Need More Guidance?
At Hello Calm, we specialize in anxiety therapy to help individuals navigate their unique challenges. If you or a loved one are looking for support, visit our Anxiety Therapy page or Contact Us to schedule an appointment today.
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Ryan Greenwood, CPC, MA
Ryan is the founder and clinical director of Hello Calm. He graduated at the top of his class from Adams State University with a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, is a member of the American Counseling Association, and has a great passion for working with people to grow in the middle of their hardest moments. Ryan is a Henderson local, greatly loves the Golden Knights, traveling, and being outdoors. He and his wife have been happily married for 9 years.
