Understanding Problematic Anger
Written by Ryan Greenwood
Understanding Problematic Anger
When anger becomes more than just a passing storm
Anger is a natural human emotion—one that we’ve all experienced when things don’t go as planned. But when anger becomes chronic, intense, or uncontrollable, it shifts from being a normal reaction to a potential problem. Problematic anger can harm your relationships, your mental health, and even your physical well-being. Here’s what you need to know and some steps you can take to regain control.
1. Ask Yourself: How in Control Are You When You’re Angry?
A key sign of problematic anger is a lack of control. If you frequently regret your words or actions after calming down, or if your anger often hurts others, it’s worth reflecting on how you handle this powerful emotion.
Questions to consider:
Do I often say or do things in anger that I wish I could take back?
Are my relationships being strained or damaged because of my outbursts?
Do I feel powerless to stop myself once my anger takes over?
Acknowledging that your anger feels unmanageable is the first step toward addressing it.
2. Recognize the Root Cause of Problem Anger
Problematic anger is rarely the result of anger alone. Often, it’s a symptom of underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or even emotional numbness.
Why this happens:
When emotions like sadness, fear, or frustration aren’t processed, they can build up inside. Anger becomes the easiest—or only—outlet for these feelings to escape.
What to do:
Reflect on other emotions you might be suppressing.
Consider whether unresolved pain, stress, or trauma could be contributing to your anger.
Seek support to explore these root causes with a therapist or trusted professional.
3. Be Curious About Your Anger
Instead of seeing anger as the enemy, try viewing it as a messenger. Anger often arises when something feels wrong or when boundaries have been crossed. Understanding why you’re angry is a crucial step in learning how to manage it.
Steps to take:
Practice self-awareness: When you feel anger bubbling up, ask yourself: What triggered this? Is this really about the current situation, or is it tied to something deeper?
Pay attention to other emotions: Don’t censor your feelings of sadness, disappointment, or vulnerability. Letting these emotions rise can prevent them from festering into anger.
Journal your emotions: Writing can help you identify patterns in your anger and uncover the underlying causes.
When to Seek Help
If your anger feels unmanageable or is causing significant harm to yourself or others, working with a therapist can be a game changer. Learning to process your emotions and build healthier coping mechanisms can help you regain control over your reactions.
Final Thoughts
Problematic anger isn’t just about the emotion itself—it’s a signal that something deeper needs attention. By being curious about your anger, recognizing its root causes, and building better emotional awareness, you can begin to address it in a healthy, constructive way.
Need Help Managing Anger?
At Hello Calm, we offer anger management therapy to help you understand and control your emotions. Visit our Contact Us page to schedule an appointment. Let’s work together to turn anger into insight and growth.
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Ryan Greenwood, CPC, MA
Ryan is the founder and clinical director of Hello Calm. He graduated at the top of his class from Adams State University with a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, is a member of the American Counseling Association, and has a great passion for working with people to grow in the middle of their hardest moments. Ryan is a Henderson local, greatly loves the Golden Knights, traveling, and being outdoors. He and his wife have been happily married for 9 years.
